The weekends are my chance to sleep in, but it rarely works out as planned. My husband starts his day early and makes coffee in the kitchen.
The soft hum of the coffee grinder fills the air, accompanied by the enthusiastic protests of our son Ivan: “Daddy, turn it off! You’re waking up, Mommy!” Despite Ivan’s pleas, my husband remains unmoved. Soon I hear the clatter of tiny footsteps approaching, followed by a soft voice near my ear: “Mommy, daddy will wake you up! I brought you cotton balls… Cover your ears”. At this point, I am wide awake and close to tears.
Ivan, whom we adopted, is a cherished part of our lives. It’s hard to even consider him “adopted”. We’ve gone through the adoption process and are now fully immersed in the joys and challenges of parenthood. But the journey hasn’t always been smooth.
At first, I questioned our decision to adopt. As we completed the paperwork and visited the orphanage, we were convinced we had made the right choice. But as we progressed, it became clearer that our noble intentions were mixed with our own pride and vanity. We felt like heroes and expected appreciation, even from the child we were bringing into our lives.
We adopted Ivan when he was four years old. Since we don’t have any biological children – and doctors have confirmed that we probably never will due to past medical issues – IVF wasn’t a viable option for us. It was too expensive, daunting and not always successful.
So my husband Anton and I decided to adopt a child from the orphanage, believing we were doing something wonderful. However, the reality turned out to be far more challenging than we expected.
The first few months with Ivan felt like an endurance test. He seemed to sense our insecurity and fear that we might reject him. His behavior was difficult: he would swear at us, throw objects, and even hurl his plate on the table during meals, seemingly to provoke a reaction.
I was plagued by doubts. Was it the right decision to take him back to the orphanage? Would he be better off there? Did he not love us?
The turning point came around New Year’s. The sight of the Christmas tree, the presents and the family gathering seemed to calm him down. When he asked if we would come back the following New Year’s Eve, I assured him: “Of course we will!” Perhaps this promise gave him hope that we would not let him down.
Over time, as the tantrums subsided, our bond grew stronger. It took a full year for us to really build a connection, but it was worth every moment. Ivan didn’t become the perfect child overnight, but he is making a serious effort and now feels our love. Perhaps my initial difficulty in loving him contributed to his challenging behavior right away.
Anyone considering adopting a child from an orphanage should remember that the path is not easy. These children, much like hedgehogs, will test your patience and responsiveness. But with time and love, the bond you build will be deeply rewarding.